Have been exercising and trying not to eat that much or not eat at all. I hope it’ll all be successful!

School is so tiring that I just want to collapse on bed everyday.

I am so tired of this. Of studying. I know it’s good for me. I know. But this is so painful. All I do is to study and study and study. I am so sick of this shit. I just want to spend my teenage years in happiness. Not struggling in this shit. I just want to cry everytime I fail a test or when I can’t answer the questions the teacher ask. I just want to cry my eyes out. Am I really that stupid? Or am I not hardworking enough?

Kids these days are so lucky. They have so many luxury items at such a young age. The thing is, we should not blame them. We should blame their parents. Who are the ones who cause this rage in the society? Parents. There are so many shows on MTV showing programmes on spoilt kids having whatever they want because they whine and whine and whine. If a parent’s job is to just give in to them, then what’s the point of having a child? Parents are supposed to be the child’s first educators. If they keep giving in to their kids, what will our society become in the future?

Every single time you are hurt, or upset, or anger or having really mixed emotions about life, there would be this one person who would tell you that ‘Things will get better.’ I’m one of them who will say that. But when someone else says that to me, I just want to give that particular person a slap with a chair. Why? Because I want things to work out now. This instance. I don’t want it to happen in the future. I want it immediately. Sadly, that is so impossible. One day, when someone says that me to, I will scream at him/her. I will say, ‘No, it won’t. It fucking won’t. And you know know. Stop trying too make me feel better. It is obviously not working at all.’

I really have no idea why people are hating so much. Love is just love. No matter if you’re straight or gay or lesbian or bisexual or different. Love is still love. I know how some people just go around saying that God hates ‘these sinners’. No, God will not do that. No matter what religion you are in, or if you are not, I believe that you will understand that God loves everyone. Even if we sin or not. But being homosexual or ‘different’ isn’t a sin. We were all made to be different. That is why each of us are so unique. If we were all born to be the same, what is the point of life? God is supposed to be The One that we rely on for things. He will not hate us, despise us or disown us. He will still love us. And that is what is important. If protesting that the people who are ‘different’ are sinners, then what abut the people protesting? You guys are hurting others. Isn’t that a sin, too? What makes you think that everything that you are doing is right and that people who are different from you are wrong? They may be purer than you. And that is being they do not have hate in their hearts. Their hearts are filled with joy, with happiness, with love.

(Source: iamafelly)

I am that type of girl who will feel bad because of things that may not matter to anyone. I am the type of girl who feels bad because I feel like I have spent a lot of my parents’ money on myself. They may say it’s okay because it is school related things. But I feel the guilt eating me up. I am the type of girl who feels guilty because it seems like I have not prayed enough or that I have sinned too much. I am the type of girl who feels bad because I can’t be there for the poor or the needy or the sick when they need someone to take care of them or to just be there to support them. I am the type of girl who feels bad if I have done better than others who studied harder or deserved better. I am that type of girl.

I keep trying to tell myself that there is no point in being angry. That I should count my happiness. It’s tough. But I’m trying. Friends? I found them. Cliques? I don’t need them. Drama? What’s that. Life is good based on friendship wise. What about the other stuffs? I really wonder.

I feel so good. So free.

Thank you, Lord. I know I have been doubting you because of the relationship I have with some people. But now I know that you have greater plans for me. I thank you for everything. Amen.